Can the Other Parent Keep My Kids From Me?

When parents separate or break up, it can be hard to know what your rights are. A common question is—can the other parent keep my kids from me? 

The short answer

• If you have a court order: The other parent usually can’t keep the kids from you—unless the court order says they can.
• If you don’t have a court order: The other parent can legally keep the kids from you. 

Before there’s a court order 

If there’s no court case and no court order, both legal parents have equal rights to the children. This is true even if one parent is the primary parent or has spent more time with the kids. 

In a situation where there's two legal parents and no court order:

• Either parent can take the kids and not bring them back.
• Either parent can move with the kids without permission.
• Either parent can stop the other parent from seeing the kids. 

Are you a legal parent? You are your child's legal parent if (1) you gave birth to your child, (2) you are married to the other parent when your child is born or conceived, or (3) your name is on your child’s birth certificate. You can become a legal parent in other ways too. Visit our page on establishing parentage to learn more. 

After there’s a court order 

If you’ve gone through a custody case (for unmarried parents) or a divorce or separation case (for married parents), the rules are different.  

Instead of both parents having equal rights, a judge will decide what rights each parent has. A judge will decide: 

• How parents make decisions about the child (called custody).
• When each parent gets to see the child (called parenting time).  

The judge’s decision will become part of a court order or judgment. This is a written document that creates a set of rules for both parents to follow.  

If a parent ignores the court's rules, the other parent can go back to court and ask a judge to make the other person follow the rules. 

Ready to take action? 

If you don't have a court order 

If you are worried the other parent will take your kids, or maybe they are already keeping your kids from you, here’s what to do next:  

1. File a court case. If you’re unmarried, you’ll need to file a custody case. If you’re married, you’ll need to file for divorce or legal separation.
2. File for temporary orders. If you need rules in place quickly or you’re worried for your child’s safety, you can ask the court for a temporary custody order. These orders go into effect sooner and are in place until you finish your court case. Learn more about temporary orders here.

If you're worried the other parent won't follow your court order 

Take steps to protect your parenting time: 

1. Talk to your child’s teachers and caregivers. Show them your court papers and explain what’s going on.
2. Ask them not to release the child to the other parent unless it’s allowed in the court order.
3. Make a safety plan in case the other parent shows up unexpectedly. 

If you have a court order but the other parent isn't following it

If the other parent refuses to let you see your kids or isn’t following your parenting schedule, here are some steps you can take:  

1. Re-read your court order to make sure you understand your rights.
2. Document the problem.
3. Try to talk it out with the other parent (if it’s safe).
4. Check if your court provides free mediation services and take advantage of that help.  
5. File a motion with the court (a motion is a formal request for the court to take action).  

For help with these steps, see our guide on what to do when the other parent isn’t following court orders.  

Getting help from the police 

If the other parent won’t let you see your kids, you can call the police—but they won't always help. 

• Without a court order: Police can't do much unless a parent is putting the kids in danger. Police usually won’t get involved with disagreements between parents unless someone is breaking the law.
• With a court order: The police may help if the order is clear about who gets the kids or there's a safety concern. Sometimes, the police won’t help unless you get an order of assistance (a special court order that tells the police they must help you). 

Need more help? 

If you need help understanding what to do or finding court forms: 

• Contact your local family law facilitator. Facilitators work for the courts and provide free help with family matters. Learn more about facilitators here.
• Get advice from a lawyer. A lawyer can answer complicated questions and provide personalized advice. Refer to this guide for help finding and choosing the right lawyer for your case. 

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