How to Negotiate a Divorce Settlement Agreement

Before you start settlement negotiations, it's important to familiarize yourself with Oregon's divorce laws so you know what's fair.

Dividing your things ("property")

• In an Oregon divorce, you are entitled to half of everything you or your spouse got during your marriage. It doesn't matter who bought the item or whose name is on the title or deed. 
• The property you or your spouse owned before you got married usually doesn’t get split up. What you had before your marriage is generally yours to keep. 
• There are exceptions to these rules. So, if following these rules feels unfair, asking for something else is okay. Chances are there's a legal exception that supports your ask. 

Dividing debts 

• In most cases, loans, credit card debt, and other debts that either of you got during your marriage should also be split 50/50. It doesn't matter who borrowed the money. So, even if all the debt is in your name, your spouse should still have to help you pay 50% of it.   
• Debts from before your marriage usually aren't split up. You'll each have to pay the debts you had before you got married.  
• These are the general rules, but if dividing debts this way feels really unfair, ask to split them up differently. There's probably a legal exception that supports your request.  

Spousal support 

• If your spouse earns more than you and you're worried about supporting yourself or maintaining your same standard of living after the divorce, it's reasonable to ask your spouse to pay you spousal support.  
• Oregon's laws don't provide much clarity on how much to ask for. Oregon doesn't have a spousal support calculator or formula. So, think about what you need to live on after the divorce and what your spouse can reasonably afford to pay. 
• You can ask your spouse to pay spousal support monthly or in one lump sum payment.  

Child support 

• Oregon requires parents to use the state's child support calculator to figure out child support. The calculator tells you who must pay child support and how much.  
• Child support isn't based on custody. It's primarily based on each parent's income and the time the children spend with each parent (and a few other factors). 
• In most situations, you can't agree not to pay or get child support. That's because child support is a right that belongs to your children. It's there to ensure your kids benefit equally from the financial resources of both parents—no matter which parent they live with.  
• If you have a really good reason, you can deviate from the number generated by Oregon's child support calculator. For example, suppose your spouse lives several states away and must pay for airfare for your kids to come see them. In that case, it might make sense for them to pay less child support to balance out the extra money they spend on travel.   

Custody  

• Legal custody is about who makes major decisions for your children and manages big-picture things, like your children's education and healthcare. In Oregon, you can either have shared ("joint") custody or sole custody.
• There aren't hard and fast rules about which parent gets custody. It's all about what's best for your kids.
• You don't have to agree to joint custody. A judge can't force you into a joint custody arrangement either. 
• You may want to ask for joint custody if your spouse and you communicate well and agree on most things involving your children.  
• You may want to ask for sole custody if your spouse wasn't an involved parent or was abusive to you or your children.  
• It's okay to let your spouse have sole custody. Letting your spouse have sole custody doesn't mean you won't see your kids or that you must pay child support. Giving your spouse custody just means you're okay with your spouse handling big-picture things like medical care and education.  

Parenting plan 

• A parenting plan is a formal, written plan that says when your children will spend time with each parent, how child-related expenses will be shared, and how you'll make decisions about your children.  
• Your parenting plan must be based on what's best for your children, not you or your spouse. Other than that, there aren't many rules about what kind of plan you must follow. 
• During negotiations, advocate for a plan you think is best for your children, but be willing to compromise a little.

Before starting negotiations, make sure you have all the facts. Don't start negotiating if you don't know important details like: 

• How much money your spouse has in the bank or in retirement
• Where your spouse works or how much money they earn
• The value of your home or land
• Where your spouse is living (if you have kids and your kids will be spending time at their house)
• Details about your spouse's new romantic partner (if you have kids and your kids will be spending time with this person)

How do I get this information from my spouse?

Ask your spouse to provide you with detailed records and documents. They're required to give this to you under Oregon's "discovery" laws. 

If your spouse won't cooperate, you'll need to go through the formal "discovery process." This involves: 

1. Serving a "request for documents" on your spouse
2. Waiting 30 days for them to respond
3. Filing a "motion to compel" with the court if they still don't provide documents

These steps can be tricky to do on your own! But, you may be able to get free help by visiting your local law library. You can find law libraries using the Legal Directory on this site. Or, if you don't want to do it on your own, you can hire a divorce attorney to help you. 

If you have minor children, you can create a draft parenting plan before you start negotiations. Oregon has free fill-in-the-blank parenting plan templates to create your own.

Try not to get too attached to your draft plan. You’ll probably have to make some changes and compromises to create a plan that your spouse is happy with, too.

If you and your spouse own property or have debts, you'll need to figure out how to split everything up. 

1. Make a list of everything you own.
2. Estimate the value of every item on your list. For debts or bank accounts, use the account statements from your date of separation. For other property, use the current resale value of that item or your best estimate of what it's currently worth.
3. Divide up everything on your list. The goal is for each spouse to take an equal share of all the property and debts. Sometimes, a fair split means one spouse takes much more property and more of the debt. There are many ways to split things up. It's okay to get creative. 

If your spouse earned more than you, or you have kids with your spouse, you may want to ask for financial support from your spouse. However, if you supported your spouse and kids during your marriage, you'll likely have to pay some financial support.

If you have children, Oregon's child support calculator will tell you which parent should pay support and how much. 

If you're thinking of asking for spousal support, think about how much you need to live on after your divorce and what your spouse can reasonably afford to pay you.

There are many ways to start the conversation. You can schedule a meeting with your spouse to talk it out. Or you could mail or email them a written letter with your proposals.

Remember, the goal here is to reach an agreement you both can live with, not win a battle. It's usually worth it to compromise a little to avoid the stress and hassle of going through a lengthy court battle.  

Sometimes, it's hard to agree, and that's okay. If you're stuck, consider getting help from a mediator. Mediators can help you have a productive conversation and find common ground. They're not there to make decisions for you but to help you work together to reach an agreement.  

If you're a parent, you can use Oregon’s free custody and parenting time mediation services to try to work out a plan for your children. Or you can hire a private mediator to help you sort out other matters like dividing your property and debts or spousal support. Learn more about mediation here.

If you and your spouse agree on all the details of your divorce, you can file an uncontested divorce. Learn more about uncontested divorces on this page.