Divorce Mediation
Divorce mediation is a process in which a neutral person, called a "mediator," helps divorcing couples reach an agreement on the issues in their divorce. The goal of mediation is to reach a settlement agreement both spouses are happy with.
Mediation is voluntary. This means a mediator can't force you to agree to anything or make you sign a divorce settlement. If you're unhappy with the mediation process, you can stop and try to resolve your disagreements in a different way.
What does a divorce mediator do?
Mediators help divorcing couples communicate more effectively so they can agree on the terms of their divorce without going through a lengthy court battle.
A divorce mediator helps couples agree on various aspects of their divorce. These issues include:
- Splitting up property, like a home, cars, bank accounts, or other valuables
- Dividing up debts
- Agreeing on financial support after the divorce
- Coming up with a plan for the minor children
A mediator doesn't make decisions for a divorcing couple but facilitates communication and negotiation. The mediator may also offer ideas for compromises and perspectives on what might happen if the couple took their disagreements to trial instead of settling them.
When is divorce mediation not recommended?
Divorce mediation may not be a good option if you're afraid of your spouse or if your spouse is abusive, manipulative, or controlling.
However, if you still want to try mediation, tell the mediator about your concerns. Ask the mediator to adjust their mediation process so you can feel safe and comfortable. For example, if you don't want to be in the same room as your spouse, the mediator can speak with each of you separately to try to help you reach an agreement.
How much does divorce mediation cost?
The cost of mediation varies widely. The cost depends on the mediator's experience and training, location, the number of mediation sessions, and the complexity of your case.
You can reasonably expect to pay several thousand dollars or more. However, mediation is usually significantly cheaper than a court divorce with attorneys.
Tip: If you're a parent, you can also use your county's free custody and parenting time mediation services. To learn more, contact your local circuit court or visit their website.
How does divorce mediation work?
Divorce mediation typically involves a series of sessions in which spouses meet with a mediator to discuss and negotiate different aspects of their divorce. During mediation, the mediator:
- Guides the conversation
- Helps clarify issues
- Offers suggestions to resolve disputes
The mediation process is voluntary and confidential. If either spouse is unhappy with mediation, they can stop and choose to go through a traditional court divorce instead. The mediator also won't make recommendations to the judge about what should happen in the divorce.
How long does divorce mediation take?
The length of divorce mediation varies depending on the complexity of the issues and your willingness to compromise. Sometimes, divorce mediation can be completed in one or two sessions, while in other situations, it may take several months.
How do I find a good divorce mediator?
Caution: In Oregon, anyone can call themselves a mediator. Mediators aren't required to complete any particular training or maintain a license. So be wary when you're shopping around for a divorce mediator.
Look for a mediator who understands Oregon's divorce laws and has experience drafting divorce settlement agreements and filing legal documents with the court. Many lawyers and judges offer mediation services. These professionals are usually more equipped to help you reach a fair settlement and finalize your divorce through the courts.
How to prepare for divorce mediation?
Meeting with a divorce lawyer before you start mediation is a good idea if you can afford it. A lawyer can help you understand Oregon's divorce laws and how they may affect the outcome of your divorce. They can also outline possibilities for a fair settlement in your case.
If you can't afford a lawyer, familiarize yourself with Oregon's divorce laws. These laws will help you understand your rights in an Oregon divorce.
Finally, after you hire a mediator, the mediator will usually have homework for you to complete before you start mediation. The mediator may ask you to provide information and documents related to the issues you'll discuss in mediation.
Conclusion
Divorce mediation offers a more amicable, cost-effective way to resolve disputes and reach a mutually satisfactory agreement. By understanding what to expect and how to prepare, you can confidently navigate this process, paving the way for a more positive post-divorce future.
More Frequently Asked Questions
You can hire a mediator before you start a divorce, right after you file, or even in the middle of your divorce. However, if your goal is to save money and resolve your divorce quickly, hiring a mediator early in your divorce is a good idea.
Mediation involves a neutral person (a "mediator") who helps you and your spouse come to an agreement. In contrast, divorce negotiation doesn't involve an outside person. Instead, you and your spouse (or your lawyers, if you have them) talk directly and try to reach an agreement. You can learn more about negotiations here.
Maybe you and your spouse could agree on a few issues in divorce mediation, but you got stuck on others. If this happens to you, just know this is very common.
You can sort out the issues you couldn't agree on by continuing to talk to your spouse outside of mediation.
Or, if you're stuck and an agreement isn't possible, you can have a divorce trial with a judge. At trial, a judge will decide the things you couldn't agree on for you and incorporate the things you did agree on into their final decision.
Divorce mediation may be more complicated when kids are involved because there are more issues to discuss. Besides talking about property, debts, and spousal support, you'll also need to decide:
- Who will get custody of the kids or will you share custody
- When the children will spend time with you and your spouse
- How you'll share parenting responsibilities and co-parent after your divorce
- Whether you or your spouse will pay child support
Although mediation is more complicated when kids are involved, it's usually worth putting in the time. Most parents are happier when they work together to come up with a plan for their kids instead of having a stranger (a judge) decide for them.
Remember, most counties in Oregon provide free custody and parenting time mediation. If you're interested in these services, contact your local circuit court to find out how to get started.
If you agree on all the issues in your divorce, you must write down your agreement on court forms. You'll also need to file additional paperwork telling the court you settled the case and don't need to go through the traditional court divorce process. After you file these court forms, a judge will review your paperwork. If you complete your paperwork correctly, the judge will sign it and approve your divorce.
- If you have a divorce lawyer, they'll prepare your divorce paperwork and file the forms with the court.
- If you don't have a lawyer, contact your local family court facilitator for free help with your divorce paperwork.