How to Negotiate a Divorce Settlement Agreement

Before you start settlement negotiations, it's important to familiarize yourself with Oregon's divorce laws so you know what's fair.

Dividing your things ("property")

In an Oregon divorce, you are entitled to half of everything you or your spouse got during your marriage. It doesn't matter who bought the item or whose name is on the title or deed. This includes:

• Your home
• Cars
• Furniture
• Electronics
• Tools
• Financial accounts
• Stocks and bonds
• Retirement accounts
• Other things of financial (or sentimental) value

The property you or your spouse owned before your marriage usually doesn’t get split up. What you had before your marriage is generally yours to keep. 

There are exceptions to these rules. So if following these rules feels unfair, asking for something else is okay. Chances are there's a legal exception that supports your ask. For example, if your spouse bought a house right before you were married, but you lived in it, helped pay the mortgage, and helped improve the house, it's fair to ask to split the home in the divorce.

Read more about Oregon’s property laws here.  

Dividing debts 

In most cases, loans, credit card debt, and other debts that either of you got during your marriage should also be split 50/50. It doesn't matter who borrowed the money. So, even if all the debt is in your name, your spouse should still have to help you pay 50% of it.   

Debts from before your marriage usually aren't split up. You'll each have to pay the debts you had before you got married.  

These are the general rules, but if dividing debts this way feels really unfair, ask to split them up differently. There's probably a legal exception that supports your request.  

Read more about dividing up debts on this page.  

Spousal support 

If your spouse earns more than you and you're worried about supporting yourself or maintaining your same standard of living after the divorce, it's reasonable to ask your spouse to pay you spousal support.  

Oregon's laws don't provide a lot of clarity on how much to ask for. Oregon doesn't have a spousal support calculator or formula. So, when coming up with an amount, think about what you need to live on after the divorce and what your spouse can reasonably afford to pay. You can ask your spouse to pay spousal support monthly or in one lump sum payment.  

You can learn more about spousal support on this page. 

Child support 

Oregon requires parents to use the state's child support calculator to figure out child support. The calculator tells you who must pay child support and how much.  

Child support isn't based on custody. It's primarily based on each parent's income and the time the children spend with each parent (and a few other factors). 

In most situations, you can't agree not to pay or get child support. That's because child support is a right that belongs to your children. It's there to ensure your kids benefit equally from the financial resources of both parents—no matter which parent they live with.  

If you have a good reason, you can deviate from the number generated by Oregon's child support calculator. For example, suppose your spouse lives several states away and must pay for airfare for your kids to come see them. In that case, it might make sense for them to pay less child support to balance out the extra money they spend on travel.   

You can learn more about child support on this page. 

Custody  

Legal custody is about who makes major decisions for your children and manages big-picture things, like your children's education and healthcare. In Oregon, you can either have joint custody or sole custody.  

• "Joint custody" is when you and your spouse agree to share custody of your children.  
• "Sole custody" is when just one of you has custody.  

There aren't hard and fast rules about which parent gets custody. It's all about what's best for your kids. 

You may want to ask for joint custody if your spouse and you communicate well and agree on most things involving your children.  

On the other hand, you may want to ask for sole custody if your spouse wasn't an involved parent or was abusive to your children.  

It's also okay to let your spouse have sole custody. Letting your spouse have sole custody doesn't mean you won't see your kids or that you must pay child support. These issues aren't dependent on custody. Giving your spouse custody just means you're okay with your spouse handling big-picture things like medical care and education.  

You can learn more about custody here. 

Parenting plan 

A parenting plan is a formal, written plan that says when your children will spend time with each parent, how child-related expenses will be shared, and how you'll make decisions about your children.  

In Oregon, your parenting plan must be based on what's best for your children, not you or your spouse. Other than that, there aren't many rules about what kind of plan you must follow. Oregon has free parenting plan templates you can use to come up with your own plan. 

During negotiations, advocate for a plan you think is best for your children but be willing to compromise a little. Remember, if you and your spouse can’t agree on a plan, a random stranger (a judge) will eventually make this decision for you. Most parents are happier when they come up with a plan together. 

Before starting negotiations, make sure you have all the facts about your spouse. If you don't know important details like how much money they make or their retirement account balance, wait to negotiate until you have this information. 

You have the right to know all these details when you're going through a divorce. You can ask your spouse to provide financial records, pay stubs, credit card statements, insurance documents, etc. Your spouse can also ask the same of you.

Tip: If your spouse won't share financial information with you, you can mail them a copy of ORS 107.089. Mailing a your spouse this law, triggers their obligation to hand over these documents to you within 30 days. If your spouse still refuses to give you financial information, talk to a lawyer for more help.

If you and your spouse own property or have debts, you'll need to figure out how to split everything up. 

1. Start by making a list of everything you own and all your debts. 
2. Next, assign values to everything on the list: 
   1. For debts, use the amount you owed when you separated
   2. For bank accounts, use the bank account balance when you separated
   3. For all other property, use the estimate resale value of that item
3. Finally, start splitting up the things on your list. The goal is for each spouse to take an equal share of all the property and debts. Sometimes, a fair split means one spouse takes a lot more property, but also takes more of the debt. There are many ways to split things up. It's okay to get creative. 

If you have minor children, you can create a draft parenting plan before you start negotiations. Oregon has free fill-in-the-blank parenting plan templates to create your own. 

Try not to get too attached to your draft plan, though. You’ll probably have to make some changes and compromises to create a plan that your spouse is happy with, too.   

If your spouse earned more than you, or you have kids with your spouse, you'll probably want to ask for financial support from your spouse.

There are many ways to start the conversation. You can schedule a meeting with your spouse to talk it out. Or you could mail or email them a written letter with your proposals. 

Remember, the goal here is to reach an agreement you both can live with, not win a battle. It's usually worth it to compromise a little to avoid the stress and hassle of going through a lengthy court battle.  

Sometimes, it's hard to agree, and that's okay. If you're stuck, consider getting help from a mediator. Mediators can help you have a productive conversation and find common ground. They're not there to make decisions for you but to help you work together to reach an agreement.  

If you're a parent, you can use the Oregon’s free custody and parenting time mediation services to try to work out a plan for your children. Or you can hire a private mediator to help you sort out other matters like dividing your property and debts or spousal support. Learn more about mediation here.

If you and your spouse agree on all the details of your divorce, you can file an uncontested divorce. Learn more about uncontested divorces on this page.