How to Settle Your Custody Case Without Going to Court
If you’re involved in a custody court case, you might want to reach an agreement with your co-parent without going through a lengthy court battle. This guide explains how to settle your case with minimal legal involvement.
- Step 1: Get the facts before you start talking
- Step 2: Decide who gets custody
- Step 3: Create a parenting plan
- Step 4: Calculate child support
- Step 5: Involve a professional if you get stuck
- Step 6: Tell the court about your agreement
Step 1: Get the facts before you start talking
Before you start talking about an agreement, make sure you know important details about your co-parent, including:
- Where they live.
- Who they live with.
- How much money they earn and any other sources of income they have.
- How much they spend on daycare, preschool, or babysitters.
- How much they pay for health insurance.
Oregon’s discovery laws require your co-parent to share these details with you. You can learn more about discovery and how to gather documents here.
Step 2: Decide who gets custody
Custody is about who makes major decisions for your children, such as education, healthcare, and religion. Custody is not about the daily schedule or where your kids live.
Here’s what you need to know:
- In Oregon, parents can have joint custody or sole custody.
- Joint custody works well if both parents have been involved, can communicate and make decisions together.
- Sole custody might be better if one parent has done most of the child-related tasks or if it is hard for the parents to communicate.
- You don’t have to agree to joint custody. If at least one parent doesn’t agree, a judge will grant sole custody and decide which parent should have it. Judges usually give custody to the parent who has been most involved.
- Giving your co-parent custody doesn’t mean you won’t see your kids. It just means your co-parent handles big-picture decisions.
Step 3: Create a parenting plan
A parenting plan is a written agreement that explains:
- When children spend time with each parent.
- How you'll make decisions for your child.
- Other rules for co-parenting.
The plan should focus on what is best for your children. There are not many rules about how long it should be or what format to use. It can be just a few paragraphs or a detailed, multi-page plan.
Step 4: Calculate child support
Child support is money that one parent pays to the other to help with the costs of raising the children.
Child support must be part of your Oregon custody case. You usually cannot leave it out.
To calculate child support:
- Use Oregon’s online child support calculator.
- Enter each parent’s income, parenting time, and other details.
- Download and print the child support worksheet.
- Share the worksheet with your co-parent.
Step 5: Involve a professional if you get stuck
It’s normal to get stuck. If you can’t agree, a mediator can help.
- Mediators don’t make decisions for you. They help you communicate and find common ground.
- Oregon offers free mediation services for custody and parenting time, or you can choose to hire a private mediator.
Step 6: Tell the court about your agreement
- If you agree on all the details, you'll need to fill out more court forms and file them with the court. Your local court facilitator can help you find the right forms and explain the process.
- If you cannot agree on everything, you will need to get ready for trial. A judge will decide your disagreements for you. Learn more about preparing for trial here.