What To Do If the Other Parent Isn’t Following Custody or Parenting Time Orders
Is your co-parent picking up or dropping off your kids late? Are they disobeying other rules in your parenting plan? Are they refusing to let you see your kids even though your court order says you get regular visits?
If any of these things are happening to you, here are some steps you can take to address these problems.
Step 1: Understand what's in your court order
Before taking action, make sure you fully understand your court order. Read through your divorce or custody judgment and parenting plan carefully to see the following:
- What it says about custody: Who has legal custody, and who makes decisions for the child.
- What it says about parenting time: When each parent is supposed to have time with the child.
- What it says about parenting responsibilities: What rules parents must follow when co-parenting their kids.
If you don't have a copy of your court orders, contact your local circuit court and ask for a copy. If the order is unclear, you may want to talk to a lawyer.
Step 2: Document the problem
If the other parent isn't following the order, keep detailed records. Write down:
- Dates and times: When the issue happened.
- What happened: For example, if the other parent didn't drop off the child at the scheduled time.
- Any communication: Save text messages, emails, or other proof of the problem.
- Witnesses: Was anyone else involved? Write down their names and what they saw or heard.
This documentation will be important if you need to go back to court.
Step 3: Try to talk it out
If it's safe, you can try talking to the other parent. They might not realize they're breaking the order, or there could be a misunderstanding. Be respectful and stick to the facts.
- For example: "The court order says you must drop [child's name] off at 6 p.m. on Sundays. Can we make sure that happens?"
If you feel unsafe talking to the other parent, skip this step.
Step 4: Try mediation
Many counties in Oregon offer free custody and parenting time mediation services to help parents work through problems. These programs can help you and the other parent communicate better and find solutions.
Check with your local circuit court to see if your county offers free mediation services.
Step 5: File a motion with the court
If the other parent still won't follow your court orders, you can ask the court for help. This is called "filing a motion." Common motions include:
- Parenting time enforcement: If the other parent isn't following your visitation schedule or parenting plan, you can ask the court to make them follow it. Learn more about parenting plan enforcement on the Oregon Judicial Department website.
- Enforcement of custody: If you have legal custody and the other parent won't return your child, you can ask the court to quickly help you get your child back. Learn more about custody enforcement and find forms on the Oregon Judicial Department website.
- Motion to modify: You can request a change if your current order isn't working. For example, you could ask to change custody, the parenting schedule, or other terms in your parenting plan. You can find court forms to modify your custody order on the Oregon Judicial Department site.
Contact your local family law facilitator for free assistance if you need help understanding options, filling out paperwork, or understanding court processes.
Frequently Asked Questions
No. This is not a good idea. The other parent's bad behavior doesn't give you a legal reason to stop paying child support. If you stop paying, you can also get in trouble and make the situation worse.
However, you may be able to get permission from a judge to stop paying child support if you file a parenting time enforcement motion. Learn more about this option and find court forms on the Oregon Judicial Department website.
No. Even if the other parent isn’t following the order, you still have to follow it. Denying parenting time could hurt your case if you go back to court.
You’re still responsible for following your custody and parenting time orders.
- Try to encourage your child and get them to go willingly
- Try talking to their other parent and brainstorming solutions together
If none of these options work, legally, you should make your child go. If you don't do this, you risk getting in trouble for not following the court order.
If there are serious concerns, like abuse or safety issues, talk to a lawyer right away.
It depends on which motion you file:
- Parenting plan enforcement: $56
- Custody enforcement: $0
- Modification: $281
If you can't afford to pay these fees, you can apply for a fee waiver when you file your motion. If you don't have much money or assets, the court will either let you:
- File for free (waive the fee)
- Pay later (defer the fee)
If you file a motion asking the court to help you address the problem, there's a good chance you'll have to have a court hearing. At the hearing, you'll have to prove what's been happening. The other parent also gets a chance to defend themselves.
When will I have to go back to court?
- Custody enforcement: You'll need to go to court the same or next business day after you file your motion.
- Parenting time enforcement: You'll have a hearing within 45 days of filing your motion (unless you settle the dispute before your hearing).
- Modification: You'll only go back to court if the other parent disagrees with your requested changes and files a response. You may have to wait several months to have a hearing.
How do I prepare for court?
Here are some things you can do to prepare for court:
- Consider hiring a lawyer. A lawyer can help you understand how to prepare for court and help you get ready. Learn more about hiring a lawyer here.
- Gather evidence. You can use written communications, photos, videos, and other documents to help you prove your case. Print out your evidence and bring two copies of each document to court. If you're having a phone or video hearing, call your court and find out how they want you to turn in your evidence for court.
- Find witnesses. If other people have witnessed the problems with your co-parent, see if they will come to court with you to testify. Remember, you can't use letter's from witnesses as evidence. They must testify in person (or by phone or video). You can read more about witnesses here.
For more help preparing for court, you can refer to the Oregon Judicial Department Guide to Oregon Divorce and Custody Trials. Although this booklet is about preparing for a trial, the information on evidence, what to expect at court, and proving your case still applies.