What Unmarried Parents Need to Know About Moving with Kids

If you don’t have a custody order you can legally move with your kids. You don’t need permission from the other parent—even if you’re moving to a different state. 

Risks of moving

But moving against the other parent's wishes has risks:

• Having to move back: Your co-parent could ask a judge to order you to move back. It’s all about what a judge thinks is best for your kids, and this can often be hard to predict.
• Losing custody: If a judge thinks moving your kids away from the other parent wasn’t best for them, they can hold this against you in a custody battle. They could give the other parent legal custody.
• Dealing with a long-distance court case: If your co-parent files first, you may have to deal with a court case in the location you left.    

How to approach this situation  

Think about what's best for your kids 

It may be tempting to move away and start a new life, but kids usually do their best with stability and regular contact with both parents.  

On the other hand, maybe you want to move closer to family or other support. This might be what’s best for your kids if the other parent isn’t very involved, and you need help.    

Talk to your co-parent 

If you still think moving is best for your kids, talk to your ex. Explain why you want to move and share information about where you’ll be living. Try to work out a long-distance parenting plan so your ex can still see the kids.  

• If your ex agrees: Put this agreement in writing and have your ex sign this agreement in front of a witness. Although out-of-court agreements aren't legally binding, taking this step can protect you if the other parent changes their mind about the move later.
• If your ex doesn’t agree: You can still move, but make sure you’re aware of the risks and that you’re moving because that is what’s best for your kids (not just you). 

Consider going to court before you move 

If you don’t need to move immediately, and your ex is against the move, the safest thing to do is ask the court for permission to move.  

To get permission to move, you’ll need to file a custody case and go through a court process. This process can take some time—anywhere from a few months to more than a year. 

Where to get help

If you want to talk to someone, here are some options:

• Family court facilitators (free): Facilitators are helpers who work for the courts. They can help you find forms, understand your next steps, and answer basic questions about custody court cases. Learn more about facilitators here.
• Family law mediators (sometimes free): A mediator can help you and the other parent agree on a plan for your children. Most counties provide free mediation for parents involved in court cases. You can also hire a private mediator. Learn more about mediation here.
• Family law lawyers: A lawyer can give you in-depth advice, prepare and file court forms, and go to court with you. Check out our guide to hiring a lawyer for tips on hiring a lawyer. 

If you're in the middle of a custody court case, it's a good idea to get permission from the other parent or the court before you move. Once a case is filed, even if there’s no final decision yet, things change.

Temporary orders may prevent moving during the case 

Sometimes the court puts temporary orders in place during a court case. Temporary orders create rules for both sides to follow during their family court case. 

These orders might: 

• Say where the child must live during the court case.
• Put in place a visitation schedule (also called a parenting time schedule or parenting plan) for both parents to follow.
• Include rules about moving or out-of-state travel. 

Tip: Read your court paperwork. If you’re not sure if there’s a temporary order in your case, call your local family law facilitator or look up your court case online. 

Judges often expect parents to keep things stable 

Even without a temporary order in place, a judge might see moving during the case as disruptive.  

If you make a big move without telling the court, it could hurt your credibility. The other parent could use this against you in the court case. 

How to approach this situation  

Think about what's best for your kids 

• It may be tempting to move away and start a new life, but kids usually do their best with stability and regular contact with both parents.
• On the other hand, maybe you want to move closer to family or other support. This might ultimately be best for your kids if the other parent isn’t very involved, and you need help.    

Talk to your co-parent 

If you still think a move is best for your kids, talk to your ex. Explain why you want to move and share information about where you’ll be living. Try to work out a long-distance visitation plan so your ex can still see the kids.  

• If your co-parent agrees: Write up your agreement on court forms and file these forms with the court. You’ll need a judge to review your plan and sign off on it before you can move.
• If your co-parent doesn’t agree: You can ask a judge to decide this issue for you. You can do this by asking for temporary court orders (if there aren’t any in place yet) or waiting for a final decision in your case. 

Where to get help

If you want to talk to someone, here are some options:

• Family court facilitators (free): Facilitators are helpers who work for the courts. They can help you find forms, understand your next steps, and answer basic questions about custody court cases. Learn more about facilitators here.
• Family law mediators (sometimes free): A mediator can help you and the other parent agree on a plan for your children. Most counties provide free mediation for parents involved in court cases. You can also hire a private mediator. Learn more about mediation here.
• Family law lawyers: A lawyer can give you in-depth advice, prepare and file court forms, and go to court with you. Check out our guide to hiring a lawyer for tips on hiring a lawyer. 

If you already gone to court for custody, you usually need permission from the other parent or the court before you move. But it depends on what's in your court papers and how far you want to move.

If you've gone through a custody case in Oregon, you should have a legal document called a judgment. Your judgment will usually include a parenting plan that includes rules about: 

• Which parent gets to make important decisions (custody).
• When the children see each parent (parenting time).
• Rules about moving and giving notice before you move. 

Caution: If your move means you can’t follow your judgment or parenting plan anymore, you shouldn’t move until you go back to court and change your court papers.  

How to approach this situation

Think about what's best for your kids 

• Kids usually do their best with stability and consistent contact with both parents. Uprooting their life and taking them away from their other parent may not be best for them.
• On the other hand, maybe you want to move closer to family or other support. This might ultimately be best for your kids if the other parent isn’t very involved, and you need help.    

Talk to your co-parent 

If you still think a move is what's best for your kids, talk to your ex. See if they will agree to the move and try to come up with a long-distance parenting plan together. 

• If your co-parent agrees: It's a good idea to make your changes official by going back to court. If you both agree on the changes, fill out and sign an Oregon court form called Supplemental Judgment Modifying a Domestic Relations Judgment and submit it to the court. A judge will sign it and make that your new official court judgment.
• If your co-parent doesn’t agree: You can start a modification case to try to change your judgment and put in place a long-distance parenting plan. Learn more about modification cases here.

Where to get help

If you want to talk to someone, here are some options:

• Family court facilitators (free): Facilitators are helpers who work for the courts. They can help you find forms, understand your next steps, and answer basic questions about custody court cases. Learn more about facilitators here.
• Family law mediators (sometimes free): A mediator can help you and the other parent agree on a plan for your children. Most counties provide free mediation for parents involved in court cases. You can also hire a private mediator. Learn more about mediation here.
• Family law lawyers: A lawyer can give you in-depth advice, prepare and file court forms, and go to court with you. Check out our guide to hiring a lawyer for tips on hiring a lawyer. 

If you’re not sure if there’s a custody order in place, here are some suggestions:  

• Live in Oregon? If you and the other parent live in Oregon, look up your name and the other parent’s name in Oregon’s online court records system to see if there are any family court cases involving you.
• Live in another state (or recently lived in another state)? Try to search online records in that state or call courts in the county where you lived to see if you can find a record of a case.  

If you can’t find any record of a case, see the section, "I haven’t gone to court for custody" to find out what to do.  

If you find a case, but don’t understand what’s happened, start by calling the local court or an attorney in the state where the case was filed.