Rules for Contested Restraining Order Hearings

Yes. After you testify, the other person (or their lawyer) can ask you questions. They can also question your witnesses. This is called cross-examination. Here are some guidelines for answering cross-examination questions:  

• Take your time when answering questions and explain your answers.  
• If you don't understand a question, you can say, “I don’t understand.” Do not answer a question until you fully understand it. 
• If you don't know the answer to a question, you can say, “I don’t know.” 
• If you do not remember something, you can say “I don’t remember.” Do not guess.  
• You can object to questions that aren’t relevant. For example, questions about where you work or go to school probably aren’t related to the case.  
• You can object if you’re asked to provide confidential information that will put you at risk (for example, if you’re asked where you live).  
• Do not lie during your testimony. 

Yes. After the other person or one of their witnesses testifies, you can ask them questions. This is called cross-examination. It is optional to ask cross-examination questions.  

If you do ask the other person's witnesses cross-examination questions, here are some guidelines:

Don’t:  

• Argue with the other person's witnesses.  
• Tell the judge that the other person's witness is lying.  
• Make faces or react to things a witness says.  

Do: 

• Ask the other person's witnesses leading questions. A leading question is one that can be answered with a “yes” or “no.”   
• Ask the other person's witnesses to explain their testimony or provide more information if you think it will help the judge get a more complete picture.  
• Ask questions about the witness’s reliability. For example, “Isn’t it true you were drinking alcohol during the events you testified about?” 
• Ask questions about a witness’s bias toward the other side. For example, “Isn’t it true you’re the Respondent’s new girlfriend?”  
• Ask questions about a witness’s criminal history or whether they’ve had a restraining order against them in the past. (Note: there are a lot of rules about this, so sometimes a judge won’t let you ask these questions.)   

Tip: While a witness is testifying, you can take notes and write down cross-examination questions you might want to ask when it's your turn to ask questions.   

The Petitioner gets to present their evidence first because they have the burden of proof. Then the Respondent gets a chance to present their evidence to challenge the claims the Petitioner is making.  

After the Respondent is done, the Petitioner can present more evidence to respond to new information the Respondent brought up.  

Sometimes, judges won't let the Petitioner present more evidence if they’re running out of time or they already have enough information.

At a court hearing, either side can tell the judge they believe the other side should not be able to show a piece of evidence or ask a certain question. This is called making an objection. Here are a few things to keep in mind about objections:  

• If you want to object, say “I object” and then give your reason. You can object based on the rules of evidence. A few of these rules are explained in the next two questions.  
• If you are testifying and the other side objects, stop talking. The judge will decide on the objection and then tell you if you can keep talking or need to move on.  
• If the judge “sustains” the objection, this means that the evidence cannot be used. For example, if you were testifying about something, you must stop talking about that topic.   
• If the judge “overrules” the objection, this means that the evidence can be used. For example, if you are trying to show a photo as evidence, you can go ahead and show the judge this photo. 

The hearsay rule is a court rule that limits the evidence each side can use at a court hearing. You can object if the other person tries to use hearsay evidence.  

Although the rule is complicated, a simple explanation is that it:   

1. Keeps witnesses from testifying about things that other people said to them outside of court; and 
2. Makes it difficult for either side to use written records or written statements as evidence, such as:  
   • Letters from witnesses;  
   • Police reports;  
   • Medical records;  
   • Child welfare records; and 
   • Texts, emails, or recordings of things other people said.     

Exception: You can use things the other person in your case said to you or wrote to you out of court as evidence. For example, you can use text messages that the other person sent to you. 

Tip: The simplest way to avoid the hearsay rule is to have a person who said or wrote something out of court testify in court. For example, instead of trying to use a letter from a witness as evidence, have that person come testify about things they saw.  

The relevance rule limits the evidence both sides can use in court. This rule says you can only show a judge evidence that is connected to the issues in your case. If either side tries to use evidence that isn’t relevant, the other person can object.   

For example, if a Petitioner claims the Respondent was physically abusive to them, the Petitioner’s sexual history or drug use history probably isn’t relevant. If the Respondent tries to bring up these issues, the Petitioner can object by saying, “Objection, relevance.”

At a contested hearing, it’s the Petitioner’s job to present evidence to support the claims they are making against the Respondent. In legal terms, the Petitioner has the burden of proof.  

For example, if a Petitioner claims the Respondent hit them, the Petitioner must have evidence to back up this claim. The Petitioner could use their testimony as evidence to support this claim. They could also have another witness testify about what happened.    

Because the Petitioner has the burden of proof, the Petitioner can lose if the Respondent can convince a judge that the Petitioner’s evidence isn’t reliable. The Respondent can try to do this by offering evidence that discredits the Petitioner’s evidence. Or the Respondent can question Petitioner’s witnesses to poke holes in their testimony.

If you are the Petitioner, you must prove:   

1. The Respondent abused you at least once in the last 180 days (not including the time the other person was in jail or more than 100 miles away). Abuse includes: 
   • Physically hurting you, trying to hurt you, or threatening to hurt you; or 
   • Forcing you to have unwanted sex.  
2. You have good reasons to think the Respondent will hurt you again. 

The Petitioner must use evidence to convince a judge it is more likely than not that these things happened. As a reminder, evidence includes: 

• The Petitioner’s testimony, 
• The testimony of other witnesses, or
• Other evidence, like photos, videos, or audio recordings.   

The Respondent can win if the Petitioner doesn’t have enough evidence. The Respondent can also win if they convince the judge the Petitioner’s evidence isn’t believable or reliable. The Respondent can use their own witnesses and other evidence to poke holes in the Petitioner’s evidence.     

If you are the Petitioner, you must prove:  

1. You are either a person over 65 or a person with a physical or mental disability that makes it harder for you to do basic activities like walking, eating, sleeping, etc.  
2. The Respondent abused you in the last 180 days (not including the time the other person was in jail or more than 100 miles away). Abuse can include:  
   • Hurting you, trying to hurt you, or threatening to hurt you; 
   • Calling you unkind names, saying awful things to you, or yelling at you; 
   • Neglecting or abandoning you, resulting in physical harm; 
   • Sexually abusing you; or
   • Financially abusing you.  
3. The Respondent is likely to abuse you again soon. 

The Petitioner must use evidence to convince a judge it is more likely than not that these things happened. As a reminder, evidence includes: 

• The Petitioner’s testimony, 
• The testimony of other witnesses, or
• Other evidence, like photos, videos, or audio recordings.   

The Respondent can win if the Petitioner doesn’t have enough evidence. The Respondent can also win if they convince the judge the Petitioner’s evidence isn’t believable or reliable. The Respondent can use their own witnesses and other evidence to poke holes in Petitioner’s evidence.    

If you are the Petitioner, you must prove all of these things: 

1. You were contacted against your wishes at least twice in the last two years;   
2. The other person has a good reason to know or suspect you don’t want to be contacted; 
3. That contact caused you to feel alarmed, afraid, or that you were being forced to do or not do something against your will; and
4. You have good reasons to be afraid that the person may hurt you or someone in your family. 

The Petitioner must use evidence to convince a judge it is more likely than not that these things happened. As a reminder, evidence includes: 

• The Petitioner’s testimony; 
• The testimony of other witnesses; or
• Other evidence, like photos, videos, or audio recordings.   

The Respondent can win if the Petitioner doesn’t have enough evidence. The Respondent can also win if they convince the judge the Petitioner’s evidence isn’t believable or reliable. The Respondent can use their own witnesses and other evidence to poke holes in the Petitioner’s evidence.    

If you are the Petitioner, you must prove all of these things: 

1. The Respondent had sexual contact with you without your consent;  
2. The Respondent was not your romantic partner (For example, the other person could be a co-worker, supervisor, someone you went on a date with, a neighbor, roommate, family friend, etc.); and 
3. You have good reasons to think that the person who abused you will hurt you again.  

The Petitioner must use evidence to convince a judge it is more likely than not that these things happened. As a reminder, evidence includes: 

• The Petitioner’s testimony; 
• The testimony of other witnesses; or
• Other evidence, like photos, videos, or audio recordings.   

The Respondent can win if the Petitioner doesn’t have enough evidence. The Respondent can also win if they convince the judge the Petitioner’s evidence isn’t believable or reliable. The Respondent can use their own witnesses and other evidence to poke holes in the Petitioner’s evidence.    

If you are the Petitioner, you must have strong evidence that the Respondent is very likely to attempt suicide or hurt others in the immediate future. As a reminder, evidence includes: 

• The Petitioner’s testimony; 
• The testimony of other witnesses; or
• Other evidence, like photos, videos, or audio recordings.    

The Respondent can win if the Petitioner doesn’t have enough evidence. The Respondent can also win if they convince the judge the Petitioner’s evidence isn’t believable or reliable. The Respondent can use their own witnesses and other evidence to poke holes in the Petitioner’s evidence.    

The law doesn’t allow a judge to consider lifestyle choices (like sexual habits, cheating, affairs, or excessive partying), unless those lifestyle choices put you, the other person, or your shared children at risk. 

A judge will likely also want to know if either person has:  

• A history of violence,  
• Prior felony convictions against them,  
• Prior restraining orders against them,  
• Recently threatened to harm someone, 
• Access to guns or recently tried to get a gun,
• Recently threatened suicide or attempted suicide, 
• An untreated mental illness, or
• A history of abusing drugs or alcohol.