Your Child’s Role in Oregon Custody and Divorce Court

If you're going through a divorce or custody case in Oregon, you might be wondering how your child fits into the process. 

This article explains how kids can be involved and offers tips on how to protect your child during the process. 

Be careful about involving your child 

Court cases can be stressful for everyone, especially kids. Some children want to speak up, while others feel caught in the middle. Consider your child’s age, maturity, and personality before deciding how involved they should be. 

It’s usually best to protect your child from the stress of court. But for older kids—especially teens—it may be helpful to give them a way to express their opinions. 

Can my child have their own lawyer? 

Yes. Your child can have their own lawyer in custody, divorce, or other family court cases. A lawyer representing a child must speak for the child, not for either parent. 

How does my child get their own lawyer? 

You or your child can write a letter to the court asking a judge to appoint a lawyer for a child. If your child writes the letter, Oregon law says the judge must appoint one.  

However, before you (or your child) ask for a children’s lawyer, here are a few things to know:  

• There aren’t a lot of pro bono (free) children’s lawyers.
• You may have to pay your child’s lawyer or split the bill with the other parent.
• Asking a judge to appoint a lawyer for a child can cause delays in your case if a lawyer isn’t available. 

Free legal help for teens: In Oregon, teens ages 13 to 17 can talk with a lawyer for free through the Problem Solvers volunteer lawyer program. The program doesn’t provide ongoing legal representation, but it does give teens a chance to get answers to their most important legal questions.

Can my child testify in court? 

The judge who hears your case gets to decide if your child can testify.  

A judge is more likely to allow your child to testify if:  

• Your child has strong, fact-based reasons for not wanting to live with one parent, like a history of abuse, neglect, or feeling unsafe.
• Your child has new information that no other witness can provide.
• Your child wants to testify.  

Before having your child testify, consider: 

• Effect on child: What impact will testifying have on your child? Will it hurt their relationship with the other parent? Is it likely to traumatize them? Or will your child feel empowered by getting to speak their truth?
• Maturity and age: It may be more appropriate for older, more mature kids to testify. A judge will pay attention to whether the child has their own opinions or seems influenced by either parent.
• Child's interest in testifying: Don't force your child to testify. This can traumatize them. It can also hurt your case if the judge learns your child didn’t want to participate. 

What other ways can your child’s views be shared? 

Letter to the judge (in informal trials only) 

If parents choose to have an informal trial, a child can write a letter instead of speaking in court. This is only allowed in informal trials where the rules of evidence don’t apply. Judges may consider the letter when making decisions. 

Learn more about informal trials here. 

Therapist testimony 

If a child is in counseling, their therapist can sometimes testify in court. Therapists can share how the child is doing and offer an opinion about what is best for the child.  

If a child shares that a parent was abusive, the therapist can also talk about this in court.  

If you want your child’s therapist to testify, talk to a lawyer several months before your hearing or trial. It can be complicated having a therapist testify in court. There are lots of rules you need to follow.   

Can a child choose where they want to live? 

No. In Oregon, children can't decide which parent they want to live with. They could offer their opinion by testifying in court, but the final decision is based on what the judge believes is best for your child. 

There’s no magic age where a child’s opinion becomes the most important factor. The court looks at the full picture. 

Tips for talking to your child about your court case 

It’s not always easy to talk to your child about court. You may feel angry, hurt, or unsure of yourself. But your child needs honesty, reassurance, and space to feel safe. 

If you’re unsure how to start the conversation or are worried about your child, consider talking to a child therapist. They can support both you and your child during this time. 

Here are some tips for talking to your child: 

• Don’t blame the other parent.
• Let them ask questions.
• Reassure them it’s not their fault.
• Don’t ask them to take sides.
• Check in regularly. 

Further reading: 

• Healthy divorce: How to make your split as smooth as possible (American Psychological Association).
• Supporting Kids During a Divorce (Child Mind Institute).
• How to Help Your Child After a Breakup or Divorce (Cleveland Clinic). 

After custody is decided, can a child change the plan? 

No. Once a judge decides custody and makes a parenting plan for your child, both parents must follow the plan—even if your child later wants to change things. 

If one parent doesn’t follow the court order—for example, skipping visits or letting your child decide not to go—the other parent can ask the court to step in. A parent who doesn’t follow the plan could even face legal penalties. 

Refer to this article for more help with what to do when one parent isn’t following court orders.  

Summary 

Kids can have a voice in family court cases, but they don’t have the final say. Consider what’s best for your child before involving them in the court case.  

If your child wants to be involved, talk to a lawyer about the best way to protect them and still make sure their voice is heard. 

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